Subject: Je t'accuse!
callanw@crosswinds.net
Date: Wed 21 Jul 1999 - 03:16:51 BST
Allegations. "I simply asked him to reply to allegations, and he hasn't done
so. That's the end of it."
Sounds like the challenge every transsexual faces, even down to the denial of
gender respect, doesn't it?
"You are just doing this for your own sexual purposes, aren't you? You are
trying to hurt your family, aren't you? You just are replaying sexist
stereotypes and colluding in the oppression of women -- something you don't
understand as a man -- aren't you?"
Do we have an obligation to satisfy everyone who makes allegations against
us?
Can we satisfy everyone who makes allegations against us, especially when
those allegations go not to actions, but to motivation?
"You are doing this for impure purposes, aren't you? You probably have even
deluded yourself about why, but you can't fool me! Your choices are about
me, about pushing my buttons, and you know it! You are out to hurt me, and
your claims of only expressing your own beliefs are lies, aren't they? You
are being deliberately confrontational, not respecting my pains! You are
tedious and inconsiderate, working only to offend me and others like me!"
We can answer with our own view, but can the person who sees themselves as
the victim of our choices ever judge us fairly? Once they have assigned
blame, can they change that assessment? If they do change that assessment,
who then do they have to blame -- only their own reservoir of pain and
self-pity?
I recall the response to one transsexual letter. An aunt said "I just don't
approve. That letter showed no sign of remorse." (Remorse, from Wordnet: A
feeling of deep regret (usually for some misdeed))
Who do we owe remorse for our own decisions to? Who do we have to answer to?
Everyone in the street? Everyone who feels offended, insulted or upset by
our choices, no matter who they are? Is that the hallmark of a trans life,
always responding to the allegations of others who feel our choices are an
affront to all of society, rude & obscene, sexist & oppressive?
For many of these people who accuse transsexuals of offensive, disturbed,
heresy, they believe that their ends justify their means, that their moral
indignation allows them to push any button, use any technique to go after
their target. They work to yank standing and dignity from the person they
accused, having already judged them.
What's sad is that sometimes we act just like these people who have accused
us, play out the same kind of attacks that we have felt, the moral
accusations that we understand some believe our choices opened us up to.
I guess some might call that acting out of internalized transphobia.
Callan
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