Subject: What I mean by that is. . .
From: TheCallan (callanw@crosswinds.net)
Date: Fri 23 Jan 1998 - 19:07:25 GMT
I have come to the conclusion that the urge to define what a
[butch/TS/TG/whatever] *is* misses the point.
I have decided it's more useful to understand what people usually mean when
they call themselves one of those words. Everyone means something slightly
different, but there are threads.
For example, saying a transsexual is someone who is changing their body can be
very contnentious. But saying that someone who calls themselves a transsexual
sees themselves as feeling the body that they are born with does not match
their intenal sense of self can give a starting point for understanding.
To communicate with each other, I believe, we use a system of approaching
assumptions. I assume that your words mean something I understand, and then I
operate under those assumptions until I see that they have to be modified and
I need to change them. If I have doubts to my understanding, I may
deliberately ask questions to clairfy my understanding, assuming I understand
enough to ask questions. Otherwise, as we continue in relationship, I will
gain new understandings by watching your choices and listening to your words
and they will help clarify my understanding of what you mean.
Of course, some people will freeze the assumptions they make in their heads
and will not change them even as we try to clairfy, and those people will
frustrate and anger us, stuck in their own assumptions.
When I hear someone use the following words, this is what I assume they mean,
until I check out those assumptions and find if they are correct or mistaken.
If someone calls themselves a crossdresser, I assume they see themselves as
someone who doesn't want to change their body, or the gender role assigned
because of that body, but they do want to explore transgender feelings though
clothing. I expect that they primarily see themselves as the assigned gender,
and they see the clothing they wear as a costume.
If someone calls themselves a heterosexual crossdresser, I assume they see
themselves primarily as a straight man born male who likes to dress up in
women's clothes.
If someone calls themselves a drag, I assume they see themselves as a
performer of some sort.
If someone calls themselves FTM, I assume that they were born female and are
moving towards taking on the gender role of a man, including some body changes
such as hormones and breast reduction/removal.
If someone calls themselves MTF, I assume they were born male and identify now
as female, with appropriate body modifications, including hormones and genital
reconstruction surgery (GRS)/ sexual reassignment surgery (SRS) / genital
concruence surgery.
If someone calls themselves transsexual, I assume they feel the body that they
are born with does not match their intenal sense of self, and that they wish
to/are/have change that body.
If someone calls themselves a transgenderist, I assume that they are focused
on changing their gender role, but not neccessarily their body.
If someone calls themselves transgendered, I assume that they want to be
aligned with the transgender movement which argues for more acceptance of the
range of people who feel the need to cross out of the gender role assigned at
birth based on anatomy.
If someone calls themselves intersexed, I assume that their genitals were
judged not-normative (abnormal?) by medical professionals at birth and that
they have had forced changes and/or pressure to change their body because of
those judgements.
If someone calls themselves a butch, I assume they see themselves as a
maculine hearted female who is attracted women. I also assume that they stay
primarily within the lesbian community, identifying as a woman.
If someone calls themselves a femme, I assume that they see themselves as a
feminine hearted woman who loves women.
If someone calls themselves a gay FTM or a transfag, I assume they see
themselves as a man who was born female who is attracted to other gay men.
I suspect there are more of these, and that
a) what you mean when you call yourselves one of these words isn't what I
assume is meant as written here
or
b) what you assume when you hear one of these words isn't the same as what I
assume.
What do you mean when you use the labels you have chosen to identify yourself
as? What assumptions do you want people to make when you say those words?
For example, in introducing myself at a local forum, I called myself a
"lesbian drag mom and theory queen." To me, that means that I see myself as a
woman who loves women who has some performance history and chooses to play the
femme role of mother, and that I am immersed in theory which tries to tie
together the varied experiences of many people into some useful commnalities,
truths and tools. I suspect that not everybody got that from my six word
description.
It just seems to me that being able to define what some cetegory is is much
less important than being able to understand what people usually mean when
they use a specific term to describe themselves.
What do you mean when you use the labels you have chosen to identify yourself
as? What assumptions do you want people to make when you say those words?
Callan
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